i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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