I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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