suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
