put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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