Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
