How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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