Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
