You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize
