is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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