Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just threw up on my dentist
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize