I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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