This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
