You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
