You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
