You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
