Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
