Soap is not a condiment
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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