Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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