Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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