We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
pop tarts are not kleenex
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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