You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize