Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
