U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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