Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
