Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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