like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
