coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
