sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
