I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im holly from the hills drunk
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
