Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she smelled like a LAN party
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
