just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
