I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
