you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
