I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
