Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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