Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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