I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
