I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
