is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just found puke in my bra..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
