This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
