Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
