have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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