She's JV to your varsity
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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