saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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