Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
