It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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