remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
