Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
