thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
