haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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