Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
