i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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