I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
