I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize