I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
