no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize