Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
