I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
