do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
