i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
