Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
