yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
3 2 1 whiskey
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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