You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just forgot I was standing up.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
