Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
