How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Damn victory sex feels great
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
