So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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