Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
