threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
