why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
