I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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