You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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