i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
