when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize