I think i sorta joined a cult last night
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The power of my boobs compel you
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
