Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
