you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
