Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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