Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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