If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
