but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
