how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
