I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
