If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I touched a dick in church today
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize