i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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