Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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