well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
