hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
