Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
