I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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