he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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