In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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