I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
