if i can run in heels then i can drive
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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