Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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