We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
