I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
