I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
