well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
