There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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