I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
