I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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