TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
