the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We have so much sex to catch up on
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
