She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
